Girls: We are all either Beatrice or Lola

Why is niceness a problem? Does one have to be a bitch to be respected? Goddam, this episode hits too close to home, and it's these times I realize I still am Hannah. I am a nice girl.

Niceness vs bitchiness = Beatrice vs Lola.

Marnie: BITCH
Don't get mad at your friend because your boyfriend who you are also a bitch to stole her diary and made it public. Don't. Also, don't string along someone who you aren't really interested in.

Ray: 98% BITCH 2% NICE
Yeah the whole "tie her up and fuck her" is seriously rapey and not in the consenting let's play rape fantasy way, but in the raping lesbians/feminists will set them straight way. The irony is that it's really what Marnie wants, to be "fucked" by a real man. Still, it's a major douchey thing for Ray to believe and to verbalize in those specific words. He could have rephrased it...

He gets two NICE points because 1.) he didn't want to let Charlie read the diary after he saw what was in it. 2.) I don't want to penalize someone for reading a diary. Let's face it, we've all done something like this. I stole a guy's iPhone to check how many booty call texts he'd sent that night. I checked my ex's banking account to see if his dinners out felt more like "for one" or "for two." We all do this, and there's no reason to label human nature as BITCH.

Adam: BITCH
And as Marnie says, most likely a psychopath. I know guys like this. They treat you like shit, so that they have to exert minimal amount of effort to seem romantic. Rly? Reaching out and touching her arm? She melts!

Also, I believe the dick pic was for another dude. Not in the gay way, but in the Imma make you look at my penis way. Those things are uuuuug-lyyyy, and penis showing is a time honored tradition among boys. My ex used to give me the goat every morning.

Matt: 50% NICE 50% BITCH 
I remember SATC had an episode about a guy who loved to eat pussy. And now this guy Matt says he loves to eat pussy. Why is this a novel thing? What guy doesn't love eating pussy? Except for the chauvinists I grew up with in Texas and that douchey college boyfriend, it's hard to tear guys away from my smiling marshmallow. (I did have one actually ask if was okay to go down as if I would say no. Yeah, dude, now get back to work!) And for this reason, Matt is 50% NICE. At least 50% decent. He gets BITCH points for not helping Shoshanna earn her non-virginity. Sure, some girls wait for the right one. Others just want to get that shiite out of the way. Kick virginity to the curb.

Charlie: DON'T CARE
Too much of a caricature of a nice guy. Don't care.

Shoshanna: NEITHER. 
She's just really stupid. She also feels incredibly like a character out of those late 90s shows - Dawson's Creek, Buffy, etc.

Okay, so this is the first time I will comment on casting decision, but in the same night I also have to watch her as the confident lesbo feminist Joyce from Mad Men. And I still think of her as the obsessive girl from that DID show. Maybe that's why the Shoshanna persona seems so phoney.

Hannah: NICE
Yeah, so Hannah is way too selfless to survive in a Brooklyn relationship. Sounds silly, right? There should be a degree of selflessness in a healthy relationship. But in my experience in Brooklyn boy dating, you have to be a selfish cunt. Otherwise they just don't respect you.

I think the line about not wanting a boyfriend, just someone who you can spend time with and sleep with, is really honest. It's this fear we Millenials have of commitment. We watched most of our parents (and some of our friends) get married and divorced, why would we try to force ourselves into something bound to fail? The irony is that the non-relationship of Hannah + Adam is set for failure precisely because it is a non-relationship.

I know why Hannah's staying. It's because she can't trust that there's something better out there. Not that I blame her, fuck I've been there. For Seitan's sake, I wish Jessa would unionize the Brooklyn girls, refusing to date until we get real relationships and not cock pictures meant for someone else (don't be bitter, don't be bitter....) I just want to be nice to you, why can't I be nice to you?

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So, that's it. We are all either Beatrice or Lola.  Oh, and all guys + nannies want to bone Jessa. Did you pick up on that this episode? It wasn't super obvious; you really had to read between the lines.

Is it sad that when I saw they were at the Bushwick Inn my first thought was "that'll be a long train ride home?" It looks like it's off the J. I don't think the J connects to the G. Maybe they biked, I dunno.